Magdalena O!

What happens if there’s an emergency?

I am at a complete loss. I was determined to go to Europe for an Art&Design BFA, but because it’s just not feasible right now, I decided against it last week. During this hustle of working on my portfolio and figuring out all the logistics I made no effort to look for programs that would interest me in Toronto.

Today was spent doing just that, and once again, I found so many intriguing programs that would benefit my future career but alas the deadlines are all approaching too soon, or have past.

For instance, this new Master of Fine Arts in Documentary Media (MFA) at Ryerson which is really ideal for me. Being able to use various media for journalistic practices. Although I have only made one documentary, it was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life and I love research and travelling and learning and debating the various cultural issues. Fuck. The deadline was Jan 18 but is open until all the spots are filled, which judging by the calibre of students who apply for these things will be beyond my abilities. Not to mention how long it would take to get letters of recommendation from profs this late in the game. And isn’t preparation for grad programs take months? FUCK.

There is also this strangely too perfect course, Institute without Borders PostGraduate Certificate through George Brown. The Institute without Boundaries is an interdisciplinary postgraduate program at the School of Design at George Brown College that challenges students to collaborate on global problems.

Then of course is the post-grad Interactive Multimedia Course at Sheridan. This is a one year advanced certificate. The program has a mandate to train designers, programmers and managers in all three of these disciplines with an overall push towards creativity in the little understood area of interactive content. Skills are learned to handle graphics, text, animation, audio and video using leading and most current software. We will be using Adobe CS3 and ActionScript 3.0. Data for communication is handled with different databases and server languages like SQL Server, MySQL, PHP and C# in .NET. We also explore emerging technologies like mobile, DVD, video as input and interactive walls.

Humber has a similar Rich Media one year post-grad program.

These last two seem to suit my career goals as a designer, but at the same time, how long will I be happy sitting behind a computer being a workhorse to aid in making things happen online? When will it come that I will want to be the one affecting the world? As can be seen in the Documentary MFA, or even Journalism? I love to write about the world, but my insecurities hold me back. The more I think about all this, the less I understand. I do want to push my skills into ActionScript 3.0, which is the wave of the future, but what about my heart? My heart to make change, to fight. Why did I get an H.BA in Sociology and Women’s Studies for? Because I want to make change, because I believe to have a voice. Fuck. How can I merge all this together, be happy and still be financially well-off?

I pass the other side of the page – Pablo Neruda

(video stills)

It was late, we had been partying, staying up because you just can’t fall asleep when there’s so much to discover. It was probably early morning by this point and I was laying in his bed, face down on my stomach. He walked over to his computer and put on a song. A song I had already fallen in love with four years earlier, a song that was actually a cover of the song he played. I never knew the original before. And then I flooded his pillow covers, his sheets, his life. It was the third time I had ever seen him, and I was already crying in his bed. He opened me. He went to lay beside me, and I turned away to hide. But I was so obvious to him, instantly.

I can’t stop feeling like this.

I’ll just listen to Plug’s Drum N Bass for Poppa till I fall asleep.

That’s all.

And Drum N Bass.

http://wordsmith.org/words/sheeps_eyes.html

Shy amorous glances.