Magdalena O!

MP3: Sylvia – Kettel – My Dogan (when i am outside running through the trees this is what it sounds like)

May 17, 2008   –    April 28, 2008

MP3: Mrs. Jynx – My Friend T3 (Remix of Synthesize) – The Standoffish Cat (Planet Mu)

Please listen to this song. Buy this album. Love her. Share her.

Final-Recipient: qrn005;you

Action: failed

X-Original-Status: 2.7.7

Diagnostic-Code: smtp;277 Requested action not taken: heart unavailable

Reply.  Activated.<!!!> Squarepusher Live at Bangface Weekender 2008 aka best set I’ve ever heard in my life.   

MP3: Nina Simone – Tell Me More

“I want some more and then some
Oh how you feel
And then when you done told me
About a million times
How much you love me
And you’re through
Start right back again

I want more some more
Some more and then some
You know how I love that stuff
Whisper from now on till doomsday
But I never
No I never no I never
Will get enough.”

(I wish my life was structured so that I wouldn’t feel so ashamed when I go through bouts of bawling my eyes out. So instead I’m going to spend my sunny Saturday singing aloud to Nina Simone, because if there’s anyone who personifies pain it’s her, and right now I need that).

For no apparent reason, he can speak no words to me all night, then leave, but I’m the one who’s at fault because I thought we would spend time together. At least there’s other people that actually care to spend time with me, and want to make effort to do so. Make the effort to make me feel ok, even though I’ve been abandoned. Now only if I could fuck them, then I would actually feel better. Fucking is the answer to everything. And right now I want to fuck him so much, because he’d get hard, he’d beg to be inside me, he’d do anything. But it’s time to make friends differently, even if I am so tempted. I’m curious when it will happen still.

But he’s the star, he’s the one everyone wants to talk to, talk about, be around. Fuck that. I’m gonna get into school no matter what it takes, and do my thing, and do it and do it. On my own. Unlike his stardom, that lives on the backstage support I provide no one sees, no one acknowledges, sometimes not even him. I don’t even know why I password protect these, he never reads this. He never asks about it. He never wonders why certain entries are protected.

I don’t feel well at all. I want to hide in a meadow and listen to toads make music, like that night when I made him wander off the main area to the beach in Camber Sands with me, and a symphony of toads provided us with music. But then he made us leave. I wanted to lay among them then, and want to lay among them now. I want to hide hide hide hide. I listen to the below constantly. Every morning since I got back.