As time has gone on I’ve become more and more accepting of my own self-obsession. I think only in being aware and articulating it I can use it productively and not just have it be a superficial situation I struggle with. I don’t see a point in fighting it. I’ve grown up with being hyper-aware of the Gaze. I wish I had time to fully open up my thoughts to this idea. I am in no way saying it’s this simple at all, but I have so much to do and I slept until 5pm today! Wow! It was a dark sky when I woke up. Reminded me of those years before grad school when weekends were always dark. A VJ gig last night kept me up until 7am. I was in a horrible mood before the gig and at one point banged myself into myself at the party in a bratty tantrum. The amount of love I have for my dear supportive friends. A LOT! Seriously! Later, feeling totally discombobulated, I decided to whip out random clips I’ve had of myself and throw them up on the big projector. At one point I had all three layers different videos of my face. It got pretty ridiculous. But if you can’t be self-reflexive at a warehouse jam, then where can you put that praxis into play?!
When I look at you I see you looking, partly, at yourself, even when you’re looking at me.
[...] virtue, but I thought I’d explain a bit more for those who may have been worried. I suppose, like Magda O, I have a certain degree of self-objectification, and in my case that takes the form of ruminating [...]