I would have never imagined that not being able to feel anything at all would hurt more than feeling too much, being in too much pain, being abandoned, lost, or underwhelmed.
Have I given too much? Have I lost it? Where did it go? I have been stripped of my life-force.
All I can do now is listen to music that gets between my blood cells. I want to live. I want to feel alive. Where is the me that twirls around the neighbourhood, with my palms out desiring every piece of life, all the foliage, all the birds around me? Where did I go? How did I get so disassociated from me as the hoarder of love, to the empty sand bag?
“Mountain. Heavy are the mountains, something that changes through the ages. Sky. Blue sky. Something visible, something invisible. Sun. Something unique. Water. Something agreeable. Commander Ikari. Flowers. Many of them alike, many of them useless. Sky. Red, red sky. Red color. Red color that I hate. Water flow. Blood. The smell of blood. A woman that does not bleed. Made from the red soil are humans. Made by Man and Woman are humans. Town. Something that humans made. Eva. Something that humans made. Humans are what? Something that God made. Humans are things which humans made. The things I possess are my life and mind. The vessel of a mind. Entry plug, the throne of a soul.
Who is this? This is me. Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am myself. This object is me, the figure which forms me. This is the me that is visible, though it feels as if this is not me. A strange feeling. My body seems as if it is melting. I cannot see myself. My figure is fading away. I am aware of someone else. Who is there before me? Ikari-kun. I know this person. Major Katsuragi. Dr. Akagi. People, my classmates. The pilot of Unit Two. Commander Ikari. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?” – Evangelion
MP3: Kettel – Sylvia (listen to the birds)
MP3: Bloc Party – Where is Home? (Burial Remix)
[...] a forest an hour outside of Paris / the forest is 280km squared / & there we were / it was too wet to set ourselves on [...]