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29 August 2015

August 29th, 2015 § 0 comments

Keeping a personal journal is a definitive way to anxiety about time passing. I see the last entry above twenty days ago and wonder how it is possible that almost three weeks went by without posting? How my belly is huge and most of the time now people immediately move out of their seats on the metro to let me sit. Except teenagers. They always look me up and down and hesitate before I have to forcefully ask. I’m 21 weeks today and that means it is over half way. Earlier this week I had my second ultrasound and the baby is developing well and on schedule. My body, however, is less than cooperative. I have a low lying placenta, approximately 2 cm above the cervix. The technician also wasn’t completely certain at its position so it could be a bit more or less. It is very likely that it will move. If it doesn’t move she told us that I would have to have a c-section. I read about it online and even at 2cm if the midwife allows it, a vaginal birth can happen—with a lot of blood. My next ultrasound is at 32 weeks on my birthday. In 2001 on my birthday I ended up in the hospital because I fainted in my Women’s Literature class.  I was pregnant. I knew this already but didn’t know much else. My boyfriend at the time presented me with a small diamond necklace that I still wear —the baby that never was. I contemplated removing it when I found out I was pregnant this time, as a sort of ridding of old energies, but I don’t understand that kind of thing, so I left it because it’s been an extension of my body for almost fifteen years.

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Hi hi... your words mean everything to me.