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June 11th, 2008 § 2 comments § permalink

If I’m coming then I’m already there. But with someone else moving me, the turbulence is always greater. Alone, my face creates angles and uneven box outlines while I’m there. That may be the only benefit.It’s all up to me. Sometimes I don’t want the responsibility.

Turn to the side. Which side? Are you already there? or are you going to come, still? Go.


August 15th, 2007 § 0 comments § permalink

you hold my thigh
like Marian’s hand fits Johan’s after thirty years
my body lays still
wanting to capture every moment of Being
my body lays still
wanting its cells to be penetrated with your Being
your hand captures the tendons reaching for my pussy
do you know how flying light i am?
and then you know

coming is also like already Being there.

unfamiliar beds.

August 3rd, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

There’s something about making love in unfamiliar beds that creates the illusion of sex as being a new interaction. We travel Europe, ending up in strange places, sometimes uncomfortable beds, sofas, floors —Munich was different— We made love for hours & hours & hours. We are in London for two weeks with an interlude of Iceland on Thursday to which my several new pairs of argyle Burlington knee & armsocks will be of use.

in love.

March 3rd, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

(me on acid & mdma) “I want you to fuck me so I can die inside you.”


August 31st, 2003 § 0 comments § permalink

I seem to have forgotten how to write about love & now sex penetrates my fingertips. I write about unhappy sex, unfulfilling sex, sex that makes you want to blow your brains out, sex that creates consequences you never knew of when you were 17. Stopping a regular cycle of sex makes you think of sex in such different ways then when it’s expected. Blow jobs for drugs seem so bad until you really need those pills & 10 minutes doesn’t seem so bad after all. I only write about life how I wish it was happening because everything is like out of The Rules of Attraction now & I don’t want anyone to know how in love with everything I am & how my parts are like the stars so fragile like. Listening to The Shining by Badly Drawn Boy sprawled out on the grass smoking American menthols makes me slip further & further into the dream of my existance. He tells me I forget that the world does exist when I’m not around.

Veronica Loughran from Clerks sucked 37 dicks by the time she was 22 & only had sex with 3 guys.

Some experiences of my teenage hood:

At 14, so typical like with a boy I sort of knew. He was into Guns n Roses & Dinosaur Jr sporting only vintage band shirts over his Levi’s. He smoked a lot of weed & would shove his fingers into me insisting I get wet so he could fuck me. I can still taste his DNA on my tongue.

Gangbang scares from other girls only aroused me & I would take walks in the park alone at night with short skirts & fishnets hoping that someone would find me sexy enough. I was 16, what did I know?

She was everything I wanted. Her nailpolish was always chipped cos she was a rockstar. We would run through the hallways skipping class to make out. Eventually at 17, leading to my only suicide attempt over her mom’s refusal for us to be together.


August 29th, 2003 § 0 comments § permalink

I’m drunk & Jordan came home last night & drum n bass & liquor are the best things to ever happen to me. Went to see DJ MARKY & XRS at Orange Room & danced with the shortest skirt I own because I’m like that & it’s summer & fuck all the bullshit & I want to get my tits remodeled with plastic surgery & I lost my voice because he makes me orgasm like no other & my credit card is seriously maxed out & I need to go to LA & I need to somehow make money & do blow because fuck it I love being high & its been too long & then buy a car to drive around giving blowjobs in the front seat while listening to high contrast & talking about mordecai richler & how life is not really more than the swapping of dna & we try so fucking hard to figure out something else.

I’ve been drinking every night for over a week straight now & this makes me happy because i don’t owe anything to anyone & i’m realizing that now & i don’t have to be this way or that way & i don’t have to prove myself & act like you want me to because i can never change the way you interpret the world & your ways of dealing with things.

I’ve also fallen in love with Pharrell because Frontin‘ is the tune & reminds me of slutty teenage summers & freaking out to your best friend the next morning because it was just too good to put on a condom & now the morning after pill is not available & its not like you can ever get pregnant anyway until you end up in the hospital on your birthday looking at the screen seeing the baby moving around inside you after you’ve already made the decision that you still want to live your life & not share your life with another person just yet. Things like this don’t cross your mind at the club when your legs are being felt up because you are both so horny you just can’t keep it off the dancefloor & then to only hike up your skirt shorter but not enough for anyone else to see but you should know better because they can. You both keep drinking & doing blow in the bathroom only to come out for the other person to go & do some more. The lights come on & you realize oh shit, I have work tomorrow or do I? The time is lost, because it was lost a long time ago when you decided to stop living reality & be removed from the time marching on neverending because you’re whimsical & do things that dont neccesistate consquences because you dont understand the meaning of the afterword.

Please if anything understand that & please dont ever expect anything of me because i cannot grant it, i just cannot to anyone. My life runs on the 8mm.

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