July 18th, 2008 § § permalink
Several weeks ago I started up yoga classes again. It had been so long, and doing my own practice wasn’t giving me the deepness I need to further my practice. All day today at work all I could think about was 19h10 to lay down in shavasana and begin. Begin moving my body to my breath. Breathing in and out to the asanas. There are so many things that make me happy, yoga’s ability to induce intense emotions in me is one of them. Today’s class was really productive and I was able to go deeper into Plow, and maybe one day I’ll be able to stand on my head again. I’ve only been able to do it once many years ago with help from my instructor. The Great Seal deepness also gave me a lot of pleasure today. I should set up a routine to do even a wee bit every day like I used to. This is what I want.
Maybe this will keep me away from causing shit with the elite boys club that is the jungle scene in my city.
July 5th, 2007 § § permalink
Today I went to my first Ashtanga class at a gym. It was my first time at a gym and I felt really awkward. Everyone had Nike trainers on and was sweating more profusely than I do during heavy petting. They all seemed to know what to do and where to go. The receptionist showed me around, and I kept dropping my things on the tour and she would just smile at me trying sincerely not to be patronizing. The bathrooms even had mouthwash! The sink basins were something out of Conde Nast magazine, and everyone’s casual clothes screamed ‘yuppie financial analyst.’ I’m there because of my free membership. The class was totally different than the gym. It was in the basement and it was really serene. Although it was an Ashtanga Foundation class, I found it was pretty challenging because it was just several poses repeated. Downward dog, upward facing dog and plank were the main ones we worked on throughout the 1.5 hours. I enjoyed the slow pace of the asanas because it allowed me to reflect on each breath and its impact on every part of my body. We held variations of the warrior pose as well, which always has me on the verge of tears. I haven’t been to a yoga class in so long and it felt so ‘right’ being back. She stretched out our necks while we rested in shavasana. I always look like I just woke up after I get out of yoga. I enjoy seeing my eyes a bit puffy and my cheeks flushed in the mirror.
Synchronicity is happening all around me. Attending a yoga class today of all days was synchronicity. I’ve been more giving lately and not even consciously. I am happy. I am tired of holding on.
June 20th, 2007 § § permalink
I’m sitting at work perusing through the various yoga centre sites because I just cannot get myself to go to yoga if it isn’t in my area. There is a centre that is on my way home a co-worker of mine has reccommended but the class times are so awkward. I wish the Yoga Sanctuary wasn’t totally out of the way. I spend more time reading about yoga than actually doing it. Many years ago I used to go to class three times a week and even do it on my own constantly. Weeks will go by without me even getting into one pose, but then a week will bring me to practice every day. Being high makes for wonderful yoga and helps deepen my poses. I can relax and focus on the stillness in my mind. Last night lacked the stillness, with my mind racing on the words of my book, of what I want to write, what I should censor, about him, about me, about my family, about the interactions – What is the truth in it all? His soft lips licking mine, his soft fingers circling around my nipples, pushing my tight ovulating breasts up couldn’t break through it. Where am I?
This has never happened before.